If I’m the entire creative power of the universe then why am I such a loser? 

One of the phrases that comes up a lot in the coaching field is that we are the creative potential of the universe. 

I remember hearing this and feeling like the biggest loser on earth, actually make that… well… in the universe.  

I looked around at my life and thought I can’t even create a new client or a steady income or a waistline that is even close to pre-pregnancy or a good relationship. I can’t create a proper business or a tidy house or a reliable arrival at school on time. 

So not only was I failing to create anything I wanted in my life, I had the title of creative power of the universe to live up to. Not just failing on the human scale but failing against some inter-galactic benchmark. 

I was a loser of infinite proportions. 

With the few clients I had I would sit with them and they would tell me what they wanted to create and I would trot out ‘well you are the ultimate creative power so nothing is stopping you’ thinking I am such a fraud. What am I doing? I don't see how this is true even for me so how on earth can I help them see it? 

And then one day, after I had complained about feeling low and demotivated Garret Kramer sent me one sentence that changed everything. 

‘You realise this is not for your personal benefit don’t you?’ 

I read this sentence and the only thing that came to mind was ‘WTAF?’ 

What the hell was he talking about? Of course it was for my personal benefit. It had to be. Otherwise, what is the point? The stuff I do has to be for my personal benefit. I am here to make the best life possible, to be happy and productive and successful. I could not get my head around what he was saying in any way. 

Well that was the start of a conversation that has turned everything fully upside down and inside out. 

What is now clear is that the ‘me’ that I think I am, the ‘me’ that thinks it needs clients and money and abs is NOT the creative power of the universe. 

Never can be, never will be. 

And any attempt to make that ‘me’ powerful, creative, safe and happy is a total waste of time and effort. It sends thought spinning round in circles, desperately searching for something fixed and secure and true where nothing is fixed, secure or true. 

No. 

That me is evidence of the creative power of the universe. 

Let’s pause a moment to get our heads round this because it is the realisation that changes everything and which means that finally we will experience the magical truth of who we are.  

That ‘me’ is a creation of thought believed. And it is a masterpiece. It looks absolutely real, solid. The detail is extraordinary. The apparent layers of complexity of needs and fears and limits. The preferences and requirements. The enormous weight of an apparent past and the demands and vulnerabilities of the looming future. It is an example of what astonishing inventive power can achieve.

It is a masterpiece and it changes all the time.  And it is as transient, ephemeral and disappearing as a wisp of smoke. There is no substance to it. Nothing that has any more truth or objectivity than random thought randomly believed.

There is not even such a thing as that ‘me’.  

Ridiculous and hilarious therefore that we would try to do anything with it. 

So if I am not the ‘me’ then who am I? 

I am the space in which that idea of a ‘me’ arises. 

I am the awareness of an idea of a ‘me’ and an idea of others and an idea of a world and what is needed and required. 

This space that I am somehow makes possible the idea of all of this. 

With the very first realisation we have about the transient nature of thought we are set on a path to seeing this clearly. If one thought is unreliable and insubstantial then so must all of them be, including every thought about self. All experience, created from thought believed and none of it objective or real or independent of perception. 

And what does this mean for clients and income and losing weight and getting to school on time? What does this mean for us (whoever we are)?

It means a completely new way of understanding all of this. 

It means that all of it--the me that needs stuff, the search for clients, the income required even the mum tum--are all tied together in one experience of a needy, untoned self and an insecure world.

And we are the space in which that experience is possible. None of it is true in the way it looks true.

That is all we ever need to see.

Because when we see it we witness the miracle creation of all of it in the knowledge that somehow it is arising in the awareness that we are. We are all of it, allowing it. It is ours and it is us. There is nothing to reject or change. There is no self to be different. No self to want something other.

We feel the love, intelligence and magnificence of who we are and we notice. We notice what that body finds itself doing and what other bodies are doing knowing there is no separation, nothing even to separate. All of it simply experience arising in this space.

We notice life unfolding knowing that we are life itself. We notice the idea of conversations taking place and games being played and words being written and doors opening.

We notice love and we notice that the love we are creates the love we see.

We know without doubt that we are the creative power of the universe.

Loser? Hmmm.