Mind health

How do we live in love?


[Excerpt from 'It's not you... and it's not me']

Ultimately, of course, we want to live in harmony, in love and absolute connection with the people in our life. Of course we do.

We tried one way to get there and it didn’t work. It pushed people away. It created conflict. It tried to fix in place people who didn’t want us. It lied and sulked. It rode over our deepest values.

Now we know the route to what we really want. We know that these loving relationships are created within us. They emerge…

Read more…

What we want ...... and can't seem to have


[Excerpt from 'It's not you... and it's not me']

Imagine we are an animal out in the wild. We hear a rustling in the long grasses that could be a predator. Ears prick up. Vision focuses and narrows. Sense of smell hones in. Our own movements get very very still. The whole physical, psychological and emotional system is focused on that danger. Everything is trained into discerning what it could be. The freeze itself is safety, creating minimum disturbance that could lead to our detection. It is …

Read more…

The End of the Search


[Excerpt from SANE, getting real with reality]

In a conference on building mega brands and mega businesses, years ago, my colleague Nicola Bird asked the only question that mattered: ‘How do we know when to stop? What is enough?’

The seminar leader couldn’t answer.

Enough’ was, for that leader, an unexplored concept. And this lack of enquiry, this assumption that the next thing is always, unfailingly necessary and better meant the underlying theme of the conference was actually ‘how to spend…

Read more…

Subliminal Recordings


Subliminal Recordings

What are they?

Subliminal recordings are a consciously audible sound such as relaxing music, rain or waves playing over the top of a recording that is just below the conscious threshold of hearing.

How do they work?

First off, let’s distinguish between two categories of sounds - subliminal and supraliminal.

Subliminal refers to information that is below the level of conscious perception.

Supraliminal refers to information that is available for conscious perception eve…

Read more…


blog photo 011122

[Excerpt from 'It's not you... and it's not me']


This is a book about the true gift that hurt represents. Let’s see how this can be the navigation for the rest of our lives.


Continue to settle back to reality

As we have seen, not living in reality is exhausting. It is deep on-going suffering. It is eternal struggle.

When we live in reality, not in projection, we are sane. We want to be sane. Above all, we want to be sane. This is the sole (soul?) purpose of our lives.

It means respon…

Read more…

Getting rid of negative emotion


[Excerpt from SANE]

A thirteen-year-old girl I was working with said ‘I get really sad sometimes. I worry that I might cry in my class. Can you take away the sadness?’

Take away the sadness.

Take away the fear and the worry.

Make me always happy.

That’s what she wants.

And pretty much all of us say the same.

Take away the anger.

Take away the low state.

Take away the feelings of overwhelm.

Take away the grief.

Take away the fear.

Take away the anxiety.

Take away the frustration.


Read more…

The freedom of no chooser


(Excerpt from FREE, getting real with life unlimited)

What a confusing title to this chapter. How can there be freedom in no choice?

Isn’t freedom only ever about being able to choose to do or have or say or write anything or go anywhere we want?

It looks like our life is made up of choices.

It looks like the more choices available to us, the more free we are.

The more able we are to go after exactly what we want—the job, the salary, the car, the holiday, the lifestyle, the partner—the more…

Read more…

How do we get what we want?

[Excerpt from 'It's not you... and it's not me']

In the taxi once on the way to a party I asked my fiancé at the time, ‘Is this outfit a bit too much do you think?’

It was a glitter dress. We were going to a pub.

‘Probably’ he said.

I didn’t talk to him for the rest of the night.

Yes. I know.

In the taxi I sure as hell didn’t want his actual opinion. I didn’t want what I had actually asked for.

The honest request would have been, ‘I’m feeling insecure about this outfit. Please say somet…

Read more…

Understanding choices and behaviour

[Excerpt from the book SANE]

Self-control. Will power. Determination. Commitment. Dedication. Restraint. Mind over matter.

All ways of describing the power that this apparent self of ours has or should have over what this body does or does not do.

It looks like this control is not just possible, but necessary for every aspect of life.

To succeed, we have to persevere.

To be happy, we have to banish negative feelings.

To be in good shape, we have to resist the bad food and do the exercise…

Read more…

What is really needed?


[Excerpt from 'It's not you... and it's not me']

In the midst of our suffering, we have a skewed view of what is really needed. And the greater the suffering, the more skewed the need and the more desperate we are to get it.

It looked like I needed the man to make me feel valid and worthy.  The only way he could do that would have been by convincing me how much he cared about me, how special I was…

Because then I would feel OK. My self-esteem would be intact. My view of the weekend I had ju…

Read more…