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Get Really Specific
A client, talking to me about his adult son, said, ‘I just want my son to be happy.’
Left as a sad unfulfilled yearning, this want had the potential to keep creating a sense of lack and wrongness and to get in the way of the relationship between father and son.
So, we got really specific. I asked my client questions such as:
What does it mean to be happy?
What criteria will you use to judge this?
How will you know if he is happy or just pretending to be…
Getting REAL with the play of life
Getting REAL with the play of life [excerpt from GAME]
This book is saying who you think you are is not real, that ‘self’ is only a made-up character in a made-up game.
And it is saying that apparent reality is only ever a game resulting from the settings of that character.
That is quite some statement to make.
It sounds a bit insulting actually. A bit dismissive. Well actually seriously, rudely, uncaringly dismissive.
Because we might, at this moment, be thinking of who we are, all th…
Let’s go all the way
You know how when things get started and it’s amazing and it carries on and it is even more amazing and you’re thinking ‘keep going’ and then suddenly it stops and you’re a bit, ‘…???’
You know that?
That’s what we’re talking about today.
And we’re talking about it in relation to thought, free will and reality.
Ah. Sorry.
If you’re still with me 
… here’s the thing: once we get started looking into the nature of thought and what it means about who we are, we can’t stop until we go right on…
Reality becomes less real while immersion in reality increases
[Excerpt from SANE, getting real with reality]
The screenwriting expert Robert McKee, who has contributed to over 30 Oscar-winning films, talks of naive writers, who, knowing nothing about the category in which they are attempting to write, stumble blindly around in it, inadvertently trampling on the unspoken conventions that hold consistency and meaning for the viewer.
He compares them to the nervous writers, on the other hand, who are so scared of doing something wrong that they obey, withou…
The Most Profound Perspective Change
When I started to learn rock climbing, I had my first outdoor experience of it on the cliffs in the North of Sicily as part of a group holiday.
Often I would find myself desperately searching for a new foot or hand hold and there would be absolutely nothing available. The situation would look hopeless and I would be on the verge of telling my belay partner that I had to come down.
She was an excellent partner (Shout out to Shing the Great) because she would relentlessly call encouragement …
It is Slavery to live in the mind…
'It's a Slavery to live in the mind unless it has become part of the body'
This quote from Khalil Gibran might be the most profound, far reaching and sane sixteen words we are lucky enough to have been given.
Such a simple sentence and yet it conveys everything we need to know about human suffering and how it ends.
It is Slavery to live in the mind…
In one powerful word ‘Slavery’ Gibran describes the torture, restriction and compulsion of a life lived from an identified, believing mind.
…Understanding choices and behaviour
[Excerpt from the book SANE]
Self-control. Will power. Determination. Commitment. Dedication. Restraint. Mind over matter.
All ways of describing the power that this apparent self of ours has or should have over what this body does or does not do.
It looks like this control is not just possible, but necessary for every aspect of life.
To succeed, we have to persevere.
To be happy, we have to banish negative feelings.
To be in good shape, we have to resist the bad food and do the exercise.
…I don't get this ......
You might be thinking, ‘I don’t get this. I don’t understand this. Maybe I’m not the sort of person who will ever get this sort of thing.’
If so I’m going to suggest something that might not have been considered before in relation to the ‘I don’t get this’.
Because everything we are pointing to, the only thing to ‘get’ is that there is no objective separate self.
And that the idea of us as separate, as needing to get somewhere obscures the peace we are looking for.
And that self only exists …
Loneliness and Mental Health
The theme of the 2022 Mental Health Awareness campaign in the UK was loneliness.
A very valid theme of course.
Study after study has shown that close personal relationships and face to face interactions have more influence over a person’s well-being and longevity than anything else – even more so than taking up exercise, healthy eating or giving up smoking or alcohol.
We are a highly social animal. Closeness and interaction with others is as vital to our thriving as water and nourishment. An…
Separation anxiety and the right decision
A question that often comes up is ‘How do I have better access to my wisdom?’ or ‘How do I make the right decision?’
We could begin by looking at the factors involved…
There is the body – ‘a universe of 37.2 trillion cells operating in more or less perfect concert’ as Bill Bryson so eloquently describes it. And an estimated 37 billion billion (37 x 21 zeros) reactions taking place every second. And there are other bodies… other humans, plants, animals, insects, microbes with their own structur…