Get Really Specific 

A client, talking to me about his adult son, said, ‘I just want my son to be happy.’

Left as a sad unfulfilled yearning, this want had the potential to keep creating a sense of lack and wrongness and to get in the way of the relationship between father and son. 

So, we got really specific. I asked my client questions such as:

What does it mean to be happy? 

What criteria will you use to judge this? 

How will you know if he is happy or just pretending to be happy? 

How would you know if he is pretending to not be happy? 

For how long does he need to be happy at any given time in order for your want to be satisfied? 

Is he allowed to have any other emotions? 

If you were to die, would you still want him to be happy? 

What actions are you prepared to take to make him happy? 

If your son says the only way he can be happy is if you move out of your house and he moves in, would you do that? No? Why not..? 

What is your cut off? How far would you go with this? 

I could have kept going – there is no limit to how annoying I can be - but the client said ‘OK OK I get it. I don’t know what happy is. I don’t even know if I’m happy. I’m realising it’s indefinable and uncontrollable. I don’t know if he is happy or not. It’s not my business is it. And even if it was, what could I do?’ 

As we get more specific with wants, three things can happen:

1. We realise that what is wanted is here already. We have what we want. There was a benefit to the Identity of remaining in an experience of lack and hopelessness. That’s good to see. 

2.  The wants start to look ridiculous, even hilarious. They were held in place because of that identification with lack and hopelessness.  That’s also good to see. 

3. The solution is unlocked in the specificity. The more detail we put into the want the clearer the path to fulfilment. Ironically, specificity enhances rather than diminishes possibility. The more specific we are, the more engaged the mind is with information and reality, the more tuned in we become to the infinite potential waiting to be activated. 

Alignment is happening. 

Priorities are reorganising.

Resources are mobilising. 

Ideas are being generated. 

Possibilities are emerging.

Reality, which is created from that same subconscious system as the want, is shifting.

Write it down. 

Get really specific. 

It’s here already. Yay!! 

It’s ridiculous and already on its way out. Good to see that. 

It’s awesome and it’s in clear development, and it is opening up a whole new reality of self and other. 

Get really specific.