Innate well-being

One of the aims that comes up often in our courses is the wish to make a difference…

To be someone

To have impact

To change the world

To be known

To leave a legacy

To make our way into the history books

We could take this at face value…

Most books and courses on productivity, influence, courage, knowledge, experience, effectiveness, impact, vision, charisma, leadership and focus do just that.

They dive straight into the ‘how…?’ without pausing to question in any way the model of reality…

[Excerpt from the book SANE]

Self-control. Will power. Determination. Commitment. Dedication. Restraint. Mind over matter.

All ways of describing the power that this apparent self of ours has or should have over what this body does or does not do.

It looks like this control is not just possible, but necessary for every aspect of life.

To succeed, we have to persevere.

To be happy, we have to banish negative feelings.

To be in good shape, we have to resist the bad food and do the exercise…

[Excerpt from SANE, getting real with reality]

There are beliefs that look right because they seem to be endorsed or everyone seems to concur with them.

But apparent ‘rightness’ means nothing more than temporary agreement. All beliefs will eventually dissolve in the face of new information.

It wasn’t so long ago that the earth was flat. Bad smells caused disease. Diamond was the hardest substance. It was physically impossible to fold a piece of paper more than seven times and for something he…

For Byron Katie it was waking up on the floor of her residential care home watching a cockroach crawl over her foot.

For Jeff Foster it was the point of absolute despair ‘transform or commit suicide. There was no other option.’

For Roger Linden it was on a walk through Hamstead Heath in London ‘one second it was Roger - me - walking along the path, and the next moment it was as if something dissolved. And it took a fraction of a second and it was realised, ‘Oh there is no separate me’.

For Ru…

[excerpt from FREE, Getting real with life, unlimited].

Sometimes we can seem so utterly confused that it looks like we have no idea of how to move forward. We don’t even know what to do let alone have the freedom to act on it.

A few years ago, I found myself in a state of total overwhelm. My head was in chaos. I couldn’t sleep or really eat. I couldn’t pretend to be my normal self with friends so I avoided company.  I was shaking, exhausted and low. I was looking into the future and all I saw…

[Excerpt from EASE].

Maybe you have seen for yourself how sometimes work seems complicated and sometimes straightforward.

Maybe you have questioned how free will can be possible when there is no control over which thoughts come to mind and over which are believed.

Maybe you have seen how everything you think about yourself and what you do can change. And that therefore your nature is pure potential not a fixed limited identity.

Maybe you have noticed the freedom of those moments at work of n…

[Excerpt from 'It's not you... and it's not me']

In the midst of our suffering, we have a skewed view of what is really needed. And the greater the suffering, the more skewed the need and the more desperate we are to get it.

It looked like I needed the man to make me feel valid and worthy.  The only way he could do that would have been by convincing me how much he cared about me, how special I was…

Because then I would feel OK. My self-esteem would be intact. My view of the weekend I had ju…

[Excerpt from 'It's not you... and it's not me']

Finally…

finally…

…we get to meet the other person. Well, as close as possible as it is to meet them.

The perception of them still belongs to us, the perceiver.

But with less and less projection of the innermost needs and insecurities onto them, there is now nothing pushing them away.

With less and less meaning of who they are, there are no barriers between us.

With less and less depending on their responses and feelings about us, their wor…