How Love is Veiled
[Excerpt from HOME, the return to what you already are]
In the American version of The Office, two characters Ryan and Kelly have an office romance and after a while it ends. Ryan, reflecting on their relationship post break-up, says of Kelly ‘I’d rather she be alone than with someone else… Is that love…?’
An alien researching the definition of human love according to popular culture might well agree with him.
‘Absolutely Ryan,’ it would say in its alien voice. ‘You are spot on. Love on Pla…
Getting what we want
I am often asked either in interviews or for the podcast, ‘What has changed for you through this conversation?’
There are many things I could say about how every aspect of my life has changed. And similarly, the participants on any of our courses will describe the transformations they have witnessed.
How relationships are unrecognisably easy, how much better they are doing at work, how their anxiety has gone, how things that looked impossible to attempt previously are now done with ease…
The love of our life
[Excerpt from It's not you... and it's not me]
This is not an internet quick fix.
It is not a way to secure the undying love and commitment of the person who we think will make everything OK.
It is not a way to never feel rejected, lonely, sad or isolated.
It is not a way to get them back or to change their minds.
It is an orientation of healing and expansion for the rest of our life.
It is meeting each moment of suffering in its fullness, of seeing what it reveals and how it points…
The Wish List
[Excerpt from FREE, Getting real with life, unlimited]
The music comes on and the three year olds start dancing. Jumping and twirling and laughing and bouncing and falling around. They can’t help it. Because music is playing.
The entire experience of self, life and world is transient and ever-changing.
And this prompts the question: if we realise it is all so fluid why would we bother doing, creating or having anything?
Well, let’s imagine my wish list was: to be a billionaire and super f…
What is really needed?
Excerpt from 'It's not you and it's not me'
In the midst of our suffering, we have a skewed view of what is really needed. And the greater the suffering, the more skewed the need and the more desperate we are to get it.
It looked like I needed the man to make me feel valid and worthy. The only way he could do that would have been by convincing me how much he cared about me, how special I was…
Because then I would feel OK. My self esteem would be intact. My view of the weekend I had just …
DIET [Excerpt from WELL, getting real with mental and physical health]
Let’s look now at diet and health.
We were talking in a small group recently about binge eating. One of the participants told us their eating pattern was totally out of sync with what they want it to be. They were eating junk food every evening and then were full of self blame which then led to more feelings of hopelessness and more binge eating.
What to do about that?
It can look like the way to make the self stable or stop the neediness is through more control of what we’re eating. It ca…
The Joy of Stress
In his book, ‘The Body Says No’, Gabor Maté writes in great detail of the indisputable link between stress and a wide variety of diseases.
He demonstrates how stresses, often imposed on the developing psyche in childhood, continue to play out in patterns of behaviour in our adult life that create physically debilitating and even fatal illness.
This field of medicine is called psycho-neuro-endocrine-immunology. It investigates the link between stress within the system and the emergence of disea…
The Unfulfillable Ask
What is your ask of the world?
What is your ask of your spouse or partner?
Of your children, parents or siblings?
Of your clients or customers?
Of your colleagues or employer?
Of your bank manager or landlord?
What is your ask of politicians?
Of individuals or groups?
Of health-care providers?
Of your pets?
Of God, nature or the universe?
What is your ask?
It’s important to know.
Our ask is our most powerful means for navigating our lives and for interacting with…
WELL - Healing
[Excerpt from the book WELL]
We could consider that all reality - of self, other, past, future, everything - is essentially a film. A film created from thought, belief, association and imagination.
And the immediate question (especially in a conversation about physical and mental health) might come ‘Well that’s all very well but I need to know how do I get into a new film? A film in which I am healthy/happy/strong/clear-minded/loved/admired/free? A film in which I am not depressed, anxious, l…
WELL - Mental and Physical Health
[Introduction to the book WELL]
This book must come with a warning.
It is a warning based on what people embarking on courses or conversations or books about the nature of the self can find themselves saying:
‘I came here to feel better. But actually I feel worse: my sleep is terrible / my anxiety is increasing / I’m more depressed than ever / my physical complaint is intensifying / the suffering is worsening.’
And that, of course, looks like a failure of the course provider or author. The …