Telekinesis and the school run: 7 everyday super powers

On a Wednesday my daughter gets the school bus.

Every Wednesday at 8.14 I turn into Stephen King's Carrie, head to toe in pigs' blood, setting fire to everything I point at. Well, my equivalent is zips breaking and shoes disappearing. Less blood and fire and screaming prom queens. More yoghurt and toddlers refusing to put pants on. Which I guess is why the book wasn't based on me. 'Clare. Know her school run schedule. Feel her Power'.

This gets me thinking though of the other super powers we all have. We are using them all the time whether we know it or not. And when we realise it then life takes on a super power all of its own.

1. Technokinesis: the ability to make computers, email systems, printers and flight booking websites to work like a dream or freeze by the power of mind alone 

All computer systems have an inbuilt chip to sense the stress level of the user. Any thoughts  of 'I need to do this quickly' or 'I'm not sure I can do this' cause a wire to trip and the whole thing to explode.

2. Cloning: the ability to create other people directly from our own mental state

Think of the infinite complexity of another human.

Of all that, what do we not notice? What do we remark on? Get offended by? Love?

In answer to these questions, a person is teleported into our lives.

When our state of mind is low, the people in our lives range from mildly irritating to WTF.

When it is high, we see our creative powers at work and we love what we have created.

3. Close-cloning: the ability to create our children, family and co-workers directly from our mental state

As above, times a million.

With the super power accessory of "It's DEFINITELY them not me" goggles.

4. Alchemy: the ability to think ourselves into having no money or to unthink ourselves into creating anything we ever want.

If we think we are poor we are poor.

If we realise that we have the creative intelligence to create anything we want at any time we are rich beyond our wildest dreams.

That is it.

5. Weather manipulation - the ability to turn weather into our own personal gift from the universe. 

Prince on stage at the Super Bowl.

The most torrential downpour for 40 years.

Ten electric guitars.

Prince and dancers in 4 inch heels.

A stage that turns into an ice rink when wet.

One of the most iconic live performances of all time.

6. Time morphing: the ability to speed up, slow down or stop time altogether

When do hours slip past like minutes?

When are you watching the clock thinking surely this should be over now?

If everyone in the world had the same answers to these questions, the experience of time would just be the intrinsic property of the activity, for example, having sex or watching Gardener's World.

The fact that not everyone loses track of time while watching Alan Titmarsh plant seedlings means time is, indeed, a super power.

7. Shape Shifting: the ability to be whatever we want at any time 

When we are caught up in our thoughts, they tell us that we are a certain way, that we have a certain personality and a way of being.

Beneath those thoughts we are anything we want to be.