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The break in the chain
You might have heard of the ‘marshmallow experiment’. The one where researchers give children a marshmallow. The children are told they can eat their marshmallow now or if they can wait until the researcher returns to the room, they will be rewarded with two marshmallows. Follow up with the children, years later, shows that those who display ‘delayed gratification’ are more successful across the board than those who sacrificed the greater reward for immediate pleasure. You might not have heard, …
Imposter Syndrome
Some of my clients say that they feel like a fraud. That they show up to work and fear that at any moment people will see through the capable and competent persona they present and expose the ‘real’ person beneath. They will be revealed for the person they believe themselves to be - the person who doesn’t know enough, who is pretending to get it. This is such a common idea that there is, of course, a name for it: imposter syndrome.
Now the interesting aspect of this understanding is that when we …
Now the interesting aspect of this understanding is that when we …
The outside-in life
My children and I spend far too much time holding our cats up to a mirror trying to get a spark of ‘Look! There I am!’ from them. We’d even settle for ‘Look! Another cat like me!’ but so far nada.
The famous mirror tests are telling us that we would need to hold up an elephant, dolphin, chimpanzee, magpie and now even a species of fish, the cleaner wasse, to get that recognition. All these species, when viewing in a mirror a red dot that has been placed on their body, will turn from the mirror an…
The famous mirror tests are telling us that we would need to hold up an elephant, dolphin, chimpanzee, magpie and now even a species of fish, the cleaner wasse, to get that recognition. All these species, when viewing in a mirror a red dot that has been placed on their body, will turn from the mirror an…
Life and Death
The return to school was the hardest. I didn’t know how to be with people again and people didn’t know how to be with me. My teacher, a stern ex-army sergeant, made no reference to where I’d been. In the playground, a friend asked me ‘Are you happy?’ I replied yes and she said ‘You shouldn’t be. Your Daddy has died.’ I stayed there for a moment trying to be OK but then...
It’s hard to be ten and to lose the gentlest, funniest, most intelligent father imaginable. It’s hard to be any age and lose a…
It’s hard to be ten and to lose the gentlest, funniest, most intelligent father imaginable. It’s hard to be any age and lose a…
L’enfer c’est les autres
Jean-Paul Sartre concisely articulated the experience we probably all have at some point: hell is other people.
Is there anyone who hasn’t felt the free fall of grief, the thud of rejection, the tension of conflict, the loneliness of indifference, the bristling of being unjustly criticised or the stabs of irritation?
And that’s just the common and garden variety of hell.
Plenty of people have far more extreme and traumatic experiences from childhood right through to present day.
It’s estimated that …
Is there anyone who hasn’t felt the free fall of grief, the thud of rejection, the tension of conflict, the loneliness of indifference, the bristling of being unjustly criticised or the stabs of irritation?
And that’s just the common and garden variety of hell.
Plenty of people have far more extreme and traumatic experiences from childhood right through to present day.
It’s estimated that …
Be more amoeba?
An ape remembers a tool they need to retrieve an inaccessible reward and heads off in search of it.
A cave man sketches a hunt scene on the stone wall, allowing for the transportation of his learning to another, long after the hunt itself is over.
A scientist designs a rocket that will reach a planet no one has never visited.
Even the amoeba, a single-celled organism, stores memory in protein structures.
The more evolved and complex the organism, the greater the ability to move conceptually, intelle…
A cave man sketches a hunt scene on the stone wall, allowing for the transportation of his learning to another, long after the hunt itself is over.
A scientist designs a rocket that will reach a planet no one has never visited.
Even the amoeba, a single-celled organism, stores memory in protein structures.
The more evolved and complex the organism, the greater the ability to move conceptually, intelle…
You are unique ...
No one else can say something in the way that you say it.
No one else has your mannerisms, your stance, your accent, your vocabulary, your way of being present.
No one else looks like you. No one else has your way of looking at people.
No one else can move or be still, make sound or be silent, create or do nothing in the way that you can.
No one else can listen like you.
No one can write like you, sing like you, dance like you, paint like you, cook like you.
No one else has your insight or your intell…
No one else has your mannerisms, your stance, your accent, your vocabulary, your way of being present.
No one else looks like you. No one else has your way of looking at people.
No one else can move or be still, make sound or be silent, create or do nothing in the way that you can.
No one else can listen like you.
No one can write like you, sing like you, dance like you, paint like you, cook like you.
No one else has your insight or your intell…
The eternal confusion of the identified mind…
In October and November, we are looking at expression and authenticity in a course called VOICE.
It is designed to get to grips with all aspects of communication that don’t sit well with us.
Why do we lie, pretend, hold ourselves back, stay silent, talk too much, get offended, hide our work, procrastinate, avoid criticism or risk…?
In other words, what obstructs our truth?
What limits the expansion of our work, presence, capacity in the world?
What creates so much stress or suffering that withdrawal,…
It is designed to get to grips with all aspects of communication that don’t sit well with us.
Why do we lie, pretend, hold ourselves back, stay silent, talk too much, get offended, hide our work, procrastinate, avoid criticism or risk…?
In other words, what obstructs our truth?
What limits the expansion of our work, presence, capacity in the world?
What creates so much stress or suffering that withdrawal,…
Everything changes as the mind settles into reality.
Everything changes as the mind settles into reality.
At the same time, nothing changes.
Of course - you wouldn’t expect this to be any other way by now surely?
Let’s look at them both.
On the one hand, of course it does. Everything changes. The whole programme running the experience, the behaviour is different. The system on which the software is running is changing from a belief in separation to the realisation of completeness, from fighting delusion to simply being.
But on the other hand, …
At the same time, nothing changes.
Of course - you wouldn’t expect this to be any other way by now surely?
Let’s look at them both.
On the one hand, of course it does. Everything changes. The whole programme running the experience, the behaviour is different. The system on which the software is running is changing from a belief in separation to the realisation of completeness, from fighting delusion to simply being.
But on the other hand, …
Ten Ways
The human mind is a miraculous super power capable of extraordinary feats of imagination and creation.
Awesome. What’s not to love about that…?
Well, these powerful mental constructs, in the form of memories, fears, projections, anxieties, shame, insecurities and needs, can also disrupt and obscure the peace and pure potential of this present moment.
And all of them revolve around, are held and maintained, like planets around a sun, by this idea of self. The concept of who we are is like a spider a…