Blog
Oblivious... Exhausted... 'Realistic’... Inspired. The four stages of ‘no choice'
The simple fact is we that we never have any choice about what we do. Ever.
That might sound frightening to you. It might be a relief. Or you might well not believe it.
What about personal responsibility you might ask? Or will power? Or mind over matter?
Are you saying that we are all just floating around in a soup of anarchy? Or that we are all zombies or robots? Or our lives are pre-destined? Or that we can do what the hell we want because it is not up to us?
Actually, none of the above.
There are…
The illusion of the life-size Finn.
One Friday, our four year old son brought home a life size self portrait from nursery. He told us how all the children had lain on a big sheet of paper. The teacher drew around them and cut out the shapes then the children painted in their clothes and faces.
Finn was really proud of his painting. He had managed to do some light brown hair, eyes and nose and a red smudge for a mouth and some blue and red smudges to fill in the t-shirt and shorts. We pinned it to the wall of the kitchen with the fe…
Donald Trump: a conversation with Reality.
Clare's thoughts: Donald Trump is terrifying. He could destroy the world. He could be the Hitler of the 21st Century.
Reality: You know that he is just a figment of your imagination don't you? You do know that everything you are thinking about him is made up? And that any feelings of concern and anxiety are a response to your thoughts and nothing to do with him whatsoever.
Clare's thoughts: But he is actually there in the White House. He is an objective, independently alive entity. He is banning i…
The Empty Vessel (but what a vessel...)
I have a client who I speak to on the phone. I have never met her in person. I look forward to her calls in the way my four year old looks forward to Christmas. What will it be this time? What joke or warm comment or beautiful insight or humble confession will I hear from her this week?
We talked about how as we pay less attention to all the stuff that is whirring round in our minds, we become empty vessels, open and ready to receive and act on the wisdom that is continually coming our way.
As we …
The only reliable navigation system
Something weird has happened over this last year. Every single one of the means I used to navigate my world has shown itself to be utterly unreliable.
As all of these previously vital systems gradually left my life, I was briefly like someone wandering in the middle of the desert without a compass.
Then, as I stayed in the conversation about what is really true about our minds and how they work, I saw how we all have access to the only true navigation system that we will ever need.
Here are the way…
Mousy-locks and the two bears.
Once upon a time there was a beautiful young girl with long golden hair. Well... an average looking 35 year old with shortish brown hair. Her name was Mousy-locks.
Mousy-locks worked in marketing. She wasn't particularly confident at the best of times. Speaking in front of people was always an ordeal for her. She feared all sorts of things: criticism, people laughing at her, getting things wrong, looking foolish or stupid...
Above all, though, she dreaded meetings with her boss's, boss's boss. He …
The Minimal Maximal Life
I love minimalism. I once bought five books on it in one go. (That sounds like a joke. I wish it was. No idea, until I'd read the first one, of the sad irony.)
The idea of simplicity, of doing with less, of creating space in our living environment is beginning to take hold of the world. It makes so much sense. Stuff we don't need, stuff we trip over, stuff that blocks our way - it all takes up time and energy that could be better spent elsewhere.
A movement is now gathering pace which creates the …
The projection room
I was sitting in an elegant drawing room of an iconic London hotel. I was with 12 outstanding professionals hosted by two of the world's most influential coaches.
We were talking about projection. About how everything we experience comes from the inside out. How the world is essentially a projection of our thinking about it.
I looked around at the exquisite decor, listened to the intelligent discussion and had a secret smug smile to myself. If everything is a projection, I thought, then I'm pretty…
Indifferently engaged. Passively dynamic. The 'contradictions' of a magnificent life.
I spent the first 26 years of my career thinking I had to be more, do more, have more, add in more, care more, act more, fire myself up more.
Exhausting.
What I'm seeing now is that the secret to living the fullest, most magnificent life is in these two surprising contradictions. Let's take the first one:
Indifferently engaged
Indifference means a lack of concern, a not caring either way. That's got to be a terrible thing, right? If we don't care then we won't do anything. How can that lead us towa…
The Four Secrets of a Great Life
At first, everything is an adventure. There is so much to explore and see and listen to and do and make and learn and take apart. You reach and crawl and pull yourself up and toddle towards whatever catches your attention.
Sometimes you cry and sometimes you smile. Sometimes you are cross and sometimes you are not. Sometimes you are tired and you sleep and sometimes you are wide awake and ready for adventure. All of life is in you. The world is there for you. You do what is in front of you to do.…