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What is psychological well-being?
My coach, Michael Neill, told me about a woman he had spoken to who had been in Nepal at the time of a major earthquake. She told him that she had had a sudden revelation that although she was in grave physical danger, the situation had no bearing on her psychological well-being. In that moment, she realised that however terrified she was, she was OK, she could do what was possible to help people. She saved the lives of many as a result.
This story had me wondering what it is we mean exactly by t…
This story had me wondering what it is we mean exactly by t…
Marketing the unmarketable
I asked Garret Kramer, one of the world’s top sports coaches what he promises teams and individuals.
He replied: “I assure clients love, support and a resolute point within. Other than that: zilch.”
Wow. I said. Because shit where do you go with that as a coach? I want to walk into a business and promise increased profit or into a school and promise higher grades or into a community and promise each individual higher income, better health and more friends.
But the truth is that I can’t.
I have seen …
He replied: “I assure clients love, support and a resolute point within. Other than that: zilch.”
Wow. I said. Because shit where do you go with that as a coach? I want to walk into a business and promise increased profit or into a school and promise higher grades or into a community and promise each individual higher income, better health and more friends.
But the truth is that I can’t.
I have seen …
The single most important distinction of our lives. And why it doesn't matter.
A client that I have recently started seeing emailed me to tell me she had left her job.
What will she say when I ask her why, I wondered. Something like...?
"It didn't make me happy."
"I really don't like the people."
"The politics were toxic."
"They didn't make me feel secure."
Or will she pause for a while, gazing into the distance, searching for a reason and then shrug, "It's weird. I actually don't know why. It just made sense to leave."
Same decision. But the places that decision can come from re…
How to get what you want - 80s disco style
When I was about 14 in the mid 80s, there was a disco every Tuesday evening (Tuesday!) in St Luke's Church Hall. There would be a DJ, a in retrospect, slightly spotty, excessively hair-gelled youth devastatingly gorgeous adonis there up on a little platform, two turntables in front of him, surrounded by records, who thanks to the amount of power he had, was literally (we've gone way beyond metaphor now) God...
Death, disease, devastation... and other reasons to believe the universe has got our back.
One week, Phil Hathaway, the gently nurturing and supportive leader of our coaching group suggested the discussion topic: ’Is the universe kind?’
Before we start, he said, I’d like us to watch a short video.
The video he showed was of a cuckoo pushing an egg out of a starling’s nest and laying its own egg in the space. The cuckoo's egg hatched before the others and within minutes of its emergence, bits of shell still stuck in its sticky feathers, the baby bird was using its beak to push the other …
Before we start, he said, I’d like us to watch a short video.
The video he showed was of a cuckoo pushing an egg out of a starling’s nest and laying its own egg in the space. The cuckoo's egg hatched before the others and within minutes of its emergence, bits of shell still stuck in its sticky feathers, the baby bird was using its beak to push the other …
Oblivious... Exhausted... 'Realistic’... Inspired. The four stages of ‘no choice'
The simple fact is we that we never have any choice about what we do. Ever.
That might sound frightening to you. It might be a relief. Or you might well not believe it.
What about personal responsibility you might ask? Or will power? Or mind over matter?
Are you saying that we are all just floating around in a soup of anarchy? Or that we are all zombies or robots? Or our lives are pre-destined? Or that we can do what the hell we want because it is not up to us?
Actually, none of the above.
There are…
The illusion of the life-size Finn.
One Friday, our four year old son brought home a life size self portrait from nursery. He told us how all the children had lain on a big sheet of paper. The teacher drew around them and cut out the shapes then the children painted in their clothes and faces.
Finn was really proud of his painting. He had managed to do some light brown hair, eyes and nose and a red smudge for a mouth and some blue and red smudges to fill in the t-shirt and shorts. We pinned it to the wall of the kitchen with the fe…
Donald Trump: a conversation with Reality.
Clare's thoughts: Donald Trump is terrifying. He could destroy the world. He could be the Hitler of the 21st Century.
Reality: You know that he is just a figment of your imagination don't you? You do know that everything you are thinking about him is made up? And that any feelings of concern and anxiety are a response to your thoughts and nothing to do with him whatsoever.
Clare's thoughts: But he is actually there in the White House. He is an objective, independently alive entity. He is banning i…
The Empty Vessel (but what a vessel...)
I have a client who I speak to on the phone. I have never met her in person. I look forward to her calls in the way my four year old looks forward to Christmas. What will it be this time? What joke or warm comment or beautiful insight or humble confession will I hear from her this week?
We talked about how as we pay less attention to all the stuff that is whirring round in our minds, we become empty vessels, open and ready to receive and act on the wisdom that is continually coming our way.
As we …
The only reliable navigation system
Something weird has happened over this last year. Every single one of the means I used to navigate my world has shown itself to be utterly unreliable.
As all of these previously vital systems gradually left my life, I was briefly like someone wandering in the middle of the desert without a compass.
Then, as I stayed in the conversation about what is really true about our minds and how they work, I saw how we all have access to the only true navigation system that we will ever need.
Here are the way…