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Mousy-locks and the two bears.
Once upon a time there was a beautiful young girl with long golden hair. Well... an average looking 35 year old with shortish brown hair. Her name was Mousy-locks.
Mousy-locks worked in marketing. She wasn't particularly confident at the best of times. Speaking in front of people was always an ordeal for her. She feared all sorts of things: criticism, people laughing at her, getting things wrong, looking foolish or stupid...
Above all, though, she dreaded meetings with her boss's, boss's boss. He …
The Minimal Maximal Life
I love minimalism. I once bought five books on it in one go. (That sounds like a joke. I wish it was. No idea, until I'd read the first one, of the sad irony.)
The idea of simplicity, of doing with less, of creating space in our living environment is beginning to take hold of the world. It makes so much sense. Stuff we don't need, stuff we trip over, stuff that blocks our way - it all takes up time and energy that could be better spent elsewhere.
A movement is now gathering pace which creates the …
The projection room
I was sitting in an elegant drawing room of an iconic London hotel. I was with 12 outstanding professionals hosted by two of the world's most influential coaches.
We were talking about projection. About how everything we experience comes from the inside out. How the world is essentially a projection of our thinking about it.
I looked around at the exquisite decor, listened to the intelligent discussion and had a secret smug smile to myself. If everything is a projection, I thought, then I'm pretty…
Indifferently engaged. Passively dynamic. The 'contradictions' of a magnificent life.
I spent the first 26 years of my career thinking I had to be more, do more, have more, add in more, care more, act more, fire myself up more.
Exhausting.
What I'm seeing now is that the secret to living the fullest, most magnificent life is in these two surprising contradictions. Let's take the first one:
Indifferently engaged
Indifference means a lack of concern, a not caring either way. That's got to be a terrible thing, right? If we don't care then we won't do anything. How can that lead us towa…
The Four Secrets of a Great Life
At first, everything is an adventure. There is so much to explore and see and listen to and do and make and learn and take apart. You reach and crawl and pull yourself up and toddle towards whatever catches your attention.
Sometimes you cry and sometimes you smile. Sometimes you are cross and sometimes you are not. Sometimes you are tired and you sleep and sometimes you are wide awake and ready for adventure. All of life is in you. The world is there for you. You do what is in front of you to do.…
How to be a well-intentioned but less than brilliant parent (or coach, teacher, boss...)
I doubt that anyone becomes a parent with the intention of holding someone back. That would be a pretty laborious way of scuppering the human race. But as parents (and coaches, teachers, employers) it can happen that in our earnest desire to help someone we end up doing the opposite.I know that in pretty much every role I have in my life that involves other people, I have unintentionally got in their way. I also know that, despite my sometimes worse than useless interventions, my kids, clients, …
The end of stress. Even when it seems like the end of the world.
The coaching I do is based on the understanding that we experience everything through thought. We cannot experience anything directly. However real it seems, it is always perceived through our state of mind in that moment.
Our state of mind changes from one moment to the next. One moment it is high and we see solutions and possibility. The next moment it is low and we see people who are out to get us and situations that seem impossible. We all experience this. Things that seem insurmountable at o…
What's the point, anyway?
What is the point of life?
I'm asking this because, well, useful to know. And also as a coach who is supposed to help people get better at this life business, I would like to know what I am doing.
Until quite recently I was on a very clear, logical journey. The point of school was to get to a good university. The point of a good degree was a good first job. The point of a good first job was a better second job. The point of the better second job was an even better third job. The point of a sequenc…
If it's just my thinking, I should stay here, right?
I'm lying on a bed, locked in a remote house with an obsessed fan who is about to destroy my legs.
You could come and talk to me about how everything is experienced through thought. But to be honest, that wouldn't be massively helpful at the moment. What I'd find most useful is a way out of this Misery and never see Annie Wilkes again.
In my coaching work, I talk to teenagers who are bullied, teachers who face taunts every day, people who want to leave their marriage, professionals who cry in the …
The end of self-improvement / self-acceptance / self-development / self-anything. The start of getting real.
I spent decades believing that I had to improve and develop myself. According to where I was working, who I was admiring, what I was watching or reading, how I was being told to be, I knew I had to be stronger, cleverer, wittier, funnier, fitter, better dressed, more ambitious, beautiful, creative, decisive, organised, articulate, charismatic and on and on... There was no end of flaws to correct and a deluge of self help books, self development courses and self denigration to the point of self o…