Getting what we want

I am often asked either in interviews or for the podcast, ‘What has changed for you through this conversation?’ 

There are many things I could say about how every aspect of my life has changed. And similarly, the participants on any of our courses will describe the transformations they have witnessed.

How relationships are unrecognisably easy, how much better they are doing at work, how their anxiety has gone, how things that looked impossible to attempt previously are now done with ease…

This list is obviously a very nice place to hang out. And I feel like such a bad guy, and indeed I am getting a reputation within the group as a kill joy, but this list is a signal to move the conversation on. 

Don’t get me wrong - of course it is GREAT that things change. There is nothing more joyful and right than conflict dissolving to reveal love or fear giving way to excitement or limits being blown up in the full force of creative possibility. 

These changes are to be expected. There is absolutely no doubt that through this exploration, greater physical and mental health and possibility will emerge. 

These changes are the inevitable result of a body-mind responding  to reality rather than being caught up in the vicious, re-traumatising circles of fighting its own creations. Healing of old wounds is taking place. The super-power human mind is now set free to either deal with reality or create the imaginary with no confusion between the two.

Resources of energy, attention, money and time are no longer being used in a battle which will ultimately destroy both belligerent sides. Instead these resources are used in the continually rejuvenating service of sanity. 

So of course things change. Of course there is a greater experience of peace, happiness, love and wholeness.

These changes are all the things we wanted and now - hallelujah - they are here. 

So what’s the problem Clare?, you might ask. ‘Why can’t we just say job done and sit back and take the credit?’ 

The problem is that these things - whether relationships, emotions, successes, circumstances, whatever - are only ever temporary and only ever perception created and never the result of a separate independent controlling self entity. 

When the mind fixes on something as being what we want, it becomes something that looks necessary. Even more precarious is when that sneaking sense of achievement comes in - either for the client or the coach - I did this! Me with my enlightened insight! I made this happen! 

And from there we are right back to where we were - an identified mind trying to find stability, trying to control what we think we have to have for our peace and happiness and trying to avoid what we think will threaten it. 

But none of this is permanent. Peace and happiness is not found in fixing something in place, controlling it or avoiding the unwanted. The peace and happiness is revealed when the part of the mind seeks peace and happiness ‘out there’ is seen for what it is - an illusion. 

This is why I am much more keen for my clients that we don’t look for success in terms of what is gained from this exploration. Because the only thing guaranteed in the form of things is change. 

In fact, it is pretty much inevitable that, as soon as the stability of the identity becomes dependent on another person or situation, there will be a disruption of some sorts. 

This disruption is BECAUSE of identification. 

The moment it looks as though well-being, happiness or peace depends on something ‘out there’ then it will shift. 

It has to because the thing out there is not the thing out there. It is a projection of an unstable self identity. In other words the ‘thing’ and the identity are made of the same conditioned belief, the same wounds. The perfection of the design is that the external is always a mirror of the internal. 

The disruption comes from the inherent, thought created, trauma created fragility of that illusory separation between self and other.

This is why disruption or not getting what we think we need is such a disaster when the sub-conscious priority is securing the ego. 

And it is why suffering is such a gift when the purpose of our lives is towards healing and the revelation of reality. 

When we start charting our progress by what is now showing up in the world of form, we just return to the old process of identification and securing the identity. Just this time we think we are enlightened. We are not. It is the same thing and the only inevitability is that ‘reality’ will reveal the confusion. 

When the orientation is driven by open curiosity about what we are and what is true then it leads to an openness to whatever each experience brings. 

This is a gradual shift as the experience of what we are moves closer and closer to the truth of what we are.