How do we live in love?

[Excerpt from 'It's not you... and it's not me']

Ultimately, of course, we want to live in harmony, in love and absolute connection with the people in our life. Of course we do.

We tried one way to get there and it didn’t work. It pushed people away. It created conflict. It tried to fix in place people who didn’t want us. It lied and sulked. It rode over our deepest values.

Now we know the route to what we really want. We know that these loving relationships are created within us. They emerge to the degree that our conditioning of lack and separation dissolves.

This is the standard we hold for ourselves now. To allow resistance and resentment towards the other to have its true purpose - revealing the unconditional love at the heart of our being.

The intensity of reaction the other apparently creates is because of us, not them. And that intensity is our route to presence.

Unconditional love does not mean always saying yes to whatever people ask of us. Unconditional love is never passive, never a doormat, never does what is not loving to self and other. It means standing in the truth of our being, relating to the truth of the other and in that space, giving our most authentic yes or no.

As Byron Katie said, ‘Every no I say is a yes to myself. It feels right to me. People don't have to guess what I want or don't want, and I don't need to pretend.’

The yes or no is entirely owned by us. There is no resentment towards the other for asking. There is no resistance. We are free in our absolute integrity.

Our wholeness makes deep intimacy possible in every moment. In fact it is the foundational requirement.

All actions and all relationships can be an attempt to secure ourselves and while this continues the lived experience is of continued insecurity.

Through healing, through recognising insecurity for what it is, all actions and relationships start to become the most natural joyful expression of wholeness in miracle human form.

The dissolution of separation means that people are safe with us now in a way they never were before. We listen. We hear them. We respond. We are honest. We tell them what we want. We respect them. We love them.

And because nothing is dependent on their loving us back, because they are loved, because there is no condition on their being, because they are absolutely free to not love us…

…they love us.